Advice From a Twenty Year Old
As I sit here and write this blog post on my last couple days of being twenty years old, it’s a bittersweet feeling. I find myself so excited to turn twenty-one and enjoy pretty cocktail drinks, the nightlife (legally now at least) and not get FOMO every time my friends go to a bar or club. But, it’s also an underwhelming feeling that it’s just going to be downhill after this.That I’ll blink and be reminiscing on these days. Since I'll only be twenty for 3 more days, I wanted to share my advice from my first year in my twenties. This past year has been an eye opener for me, almost like a spiritual awakening in a sense. I know from many conversations with friends that they’ve felt the same way around this age. It’s the point where you’re old enough to make the right decision but still young enough to make the wrong one too. We start to shed what doesn’t make us grow and what brings us negativity. Life starts to come in hard and fast. Nobody tells you how hard it is to balance trying to get your future together and enjoy being young at the same time. On top of that, putting effort into friendships, relationships, health, fitness, MENTAL HEALTH, the list goes on. There’s no time in the world or duplicates of yourself to thrive in every aspect of your life. When you’re thriving in one part, you’re lacking in the other. There’s no way around it. It starts to feel like you’re always failing but the most important part is to know that if you are trying to give your all and that you know you care about your future, everything else will fall into place.
There is a time period after turning 19 and starting to enter your twenties where you are looking for genuine friendships. Being there for each other means something different now. It isn’t just holding your friends hair while they are throwing up or making a flipagram happy birthday post. It’s listening with open ears about their problems, checking in once in a while, putting effort into plans around crazy schedules, understanding their life circumstances and needs, and not getting upset if they can’t make an event or hangout. Everyone is at different stages in their lives and not every track overlaps perfectly like it once used to. The big-girl jobs start, we start to crack down on the last (most important) year of college, and some just want to take a break, live life and travel. Everyone is trying to figure their shit out and it’s a hard pill to swallow once you realize how different everything gets and that your best friend doesn’t text you every day anymore. But, you know you have found the genuine friendships when you don’t have to talk every day and can come together like no time has passed. I have found that friendships that bloom in this time are the ones that you can count on when the going gets tough. Friendships in this time are all about being understanding and taking the minimal effort to maintain the friendship. I say minimal because at this time people get busy and life happens, don’t expect plans every week. A plant will not grow unless it’s watered, same goes for friendships. If there’s no effort and communication in a friendship consider it dead. Even if a close friendship has died, that doesn’t mean they have to be cut off. They usually still show up in your life here and there, a lot of friendships in your first years of the twenties will end up in this stage. It’s not a bad thing or something to have animosity towards anyone about. It’s a bittersweet feeling but I like to call them “friend acquaintances”. They are still in my life and the relationship is less than a close friend but more than a basic acquaintance. You can’t be close to everyone in your life, get over that now.
My first year of the “golden twenties” I felt like I was mostly trying to figure out life and try to live to the fullest at the same time. It was a whirlwind but I’m more at peace with knowing how the “real life” is and how to get around it. It’s all about finding the perfect balance. If there’s one thing I could say, it’s to make all the mistakes you can now and learn from them. Take accountability for every wrongdoing (you still have the young excuse) and don’t feel bad about putting your happiness first and protecting your peace. DO NOT be a people pleaser, please yourself and do what only makes YOU happy or else you will be left with a lot of self-pity realizing its impossible to make everyone in your life happy. Figure out all your needs and heal your inner self now and you’ll set yourself up for a smooth ride. But then again what do I know, I’m still figuring it all out too.
